The Honk

(Kayla, 1984)

 

"I don't know what you're talking about." I shot back, way too quickly for the lie to be any good. Here's the thing about lying: a part of you has to mean it - even if it's a tiny, sinister shred that only lives in the blackest, deepest part of your mind. You have to want it to be true.

 

I guess I didn't.

 

"Oh, come on," Ren said with a roll of her eyes. "It's been, what? A week?" She cocked her head and asked, "You been to second base yet?"

 

I've read plenty of books about female independence and how we shouldn't let men distract us from our dreams and desires, but all I could do was look at Ren and say, "You think I could get to second base?"

 

I hate to admit it, but it was probably one of the greatest compliments I had received in my entire life. Tom is so amazingly gorgeous and talented. I still it find it strange how he'd be interested in a girl like me.

 

"His real name is Carl." I said finally.

 

Ren only repeated, "Carl." as if trying it on for size.

 

"Yeah," I said. "Kinda funny, isn't it?"

 

"Carl is a popular name..." Ren giggled a little and made her way closer to the bed. "Now you can't stop thinking about him... You always want to know what he's doing... You'd kill to know if he's thinking about you..." she said, like a doctor reeling off symptoms.

 

"Is that bad?"

 

She shrugged. "That's too bad, kid."

 

"You've got to help me." I pleaded.

 

"Oh, sorry. Not my department."

 

Of course it wasn't. It was clear that Ren never had to deal with something like this. She couldn't possibly understand life on the outside, looking through the window at a place she'd never know. Then I thought about the hours she'd spent at The Empire and wondered, Or could she?

 

"Come on!" I said.

 

"Why not tell it to Fred? He knows more about Tom than I do." She eased onto her bed and crossed her legs. "I'm sure that boy would do anything for a handful of skin. Maybe he'll do it for a peak at your bra strap. Ask him to talk to Tom about his feelings for you. Guys talk just as casually about relationships as we do." Ren smiled to herself as she lowered her head, as if to hide it.

 

"That isn't funny. There's no way I'm doing that. I have some respect. I mean, if I can hold out on Tom past the first date, I must have a lot of self-respect. That took a lot, you know! He's so perfect..."

 

Ren nodded her head and took my hand. "I understand. If it were me, his ass would have been--"

 

"I know, Ren." I pulled my hand away from her grip and turned to crawl out of the bed. "I guess I'll ask Fred to talk to him, but he sure won't be rewarded with a peak at my bra."